Ten rules of housekeeping

XRogue · 08-15-2001, 02:24 PM

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..." I think I'll take a break and check my E-mail!

Aluscia · 08-16-2001, 04:28 AM

I'm beginning to see how you get all this time to chat with us, Rogue...

I lub joo!!!

XRogue · 08-16-2001, 06:41 AM

To tell you the truth, our place is fairly neat except for dog and kitty hair. However, I try not to get obsessive about that stuff. I figure if things are fairly sanitary, who cares if they are totally straight?

Dynomutt · 08-20-2001, 03:13 PM

I blame my mess on my on-going remodeling.

Stang · 08-20-2001, 05:19 PM

Yeah you go ahead and blame it on that, LAZY ASS!!!

How does molding cat food have to do with remodeling?

THZDax · 08-20-2001, 09:32 PM

LOL @ #7 & #10 & Rouge

08-16-2001, 04:28 AM	#2
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 41 Posts: 2,346	I'm beginning to see how you get all this time to chat with us, Rogue... I lub joo!!! __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

08-20-2001, 03:13 PM	#4
Dynomutt Forum Regular Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Portland, OR Age: 47 Posts: 286 Xbox Leaderboard: 2^nd	I blame my mess on my on-going remodeling. __________________

08-20-2001, 05:19 PM	#5
Stang Team Captain Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Everett, WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,859 Xbox Leaderboard: 1^st	Yeah you go ahead and blame it on that, LAZY ASS!!! How does molding cat food have to do with remodeling? __________________

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08-15-2001, 02:24 PM	#1
XRogue Forum wh0re Join Date: May 2001 Location: Texas Age: 53 Posts: 1,097	Ten rules of housekeeping 1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh. 2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption. 3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone. 4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?" 5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this. 6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children. 7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive." 8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..." 9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..." 10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..." I think I'll take a break and check my E-mail!

08-16-2001, 06:41 AM	#3
XRogue Forum wh0re Join Date: May 2001 Location: Texas Age: 53 Posts: 1,097	To tell you the truth, our place is fairly neat except for dog and kitty hair. However, I try not to get obsessive about that stuff. I figure if things are fairly sanitary, who cares if they are totally straight?

08-20-2001, 09:32 PM	#6
THZDax Forum Regular Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 348	LOL @ #7 & #10 & Rouge