A little Fun ...

[THZDax]

Part 1



Well i thought i would give every one here somthing to do. As i was searching for some funny ones that wernt to dirty i found thease and a few of thease are questionable but i think you will enjoy them I did





DID YOU HEAR
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.


LEARN AS WE GO
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" "No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."


CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She says, "How often do I have to do that?"


THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
Two cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said, "Oh, Dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait." A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's big enough." "No", the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait." About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one Dad, let's eat her." "No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we're going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."


GOOD REASON
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."


THE DIFFERENCE
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.



WHO FIRST
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course—at least he'll shut up after you let him in!


BIGGEST LIE
The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!"






Now if your Under 18 you need not read this on move along.

TARZAN AND OAK
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. One day, deep in the wild she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan became aroused. He quickly ran over and kicked her in the crotch. In pain, she screamed, "What the hell did you do that for?" Tarzan replied, "Tarzan always check for squirrels."


ONE FOR THE LADIES
Q. Why are men like guns?
A. Keep one around long enough and eventually you're going to want to shoot it.

:/


Feel Free to Add more in as Part 2. ...
I would love to read some more. It takes time sorting threw good jokes and bad ones .

[Maz]

Part 2

The poems I'm about to post here for part two are a bit sexual, more than tarzan, if there are no objection, I'll post them tommorow, if they are some objections, I can email it to whoever wants it

[Aluscia]

As long as it doesn't involve anal sex with monkeys and/or elephants, I'm ok.

[Stang]

Post them in the Artist Niche forums

[Maz]

Alrigth then, but don't say I did'nt warn you, and there not sick, just sexual joke to make you laugh