Some one knock some sense into my mother...

juxtaposedjoker · 09-08-2004, 12:51 PM

Once upon a time in a little hick town in suburbia USA a 15 yr old girl expressed a want for a tattoo when she was older. Her mother being the hip cool mother that she was suggested that she could get it that summer. It just needed to be in a descrete location. A few months later the season of summer comes along and the girls asks her mother to follow up on her promise only to be left in dismay when her mother suddenly has a change of heart. Now, the little girl could not get a tattoo EVER. The cool attitude completely transformed into one of closed mindedness in just a few months and has stuck with the mother till present day, five years later. Yet now, the little girl is 20 and not so little anymore. The desire for a tattoo has remained with her through the years and now a kick ass artist friend designed the tattoo of her dreams and she wants it very badly. But she still lives in her mothers house and would severly piss off her mother if she got the tattoo. The tattoo however would be on her back and if the not so little girl played it right, she could make sure the nerotic mother never saw the tattoo.

What's a girl to do?

Stang · 09-08-2004, 03:22 PM

My sister was about the same age, I think 18 or 19 though, and had the same desire. She finally got it, a little flower on her ankle, and my parents didnt want her to get one either until she moved out. When they saw it they were a little upset but came around eventually.

I think the size has alot to do with it too and what it is. So just be careful cuz remember its going to be with you forever.

Gambit · 09-08-2004, 03:49 PM

Speaking as a parent, (sorry for the lecture)
When someone else is providing for you, you live by their rules. If you don't like the rules, show that you are resourceful enough to either pay your fair share of the bills, or move out. It doesn't have to be hostile, you are just showing you're adult enough to handle the responsibility. (My sister lived with my parents longer than I or my brother did. She ended up paying them rent, and as a result had fewer rules to deal with.)
Then, if you're a "responsible adult" you should be able to make your own choices about tattoos, because you're the one living with the consequenses. A "responsible adult" deals with his/her own problems, including medical insurance or the results of not having it, as well as any social issues caused by one's own decisions (say you had a swastika or something).
I do not recommend sneaking around to do what you want to do in the face of "the rulez." But there are a number of things here that I don't understand:

You asked permission the first time. If you are taking care of yourself, as an "R.A" above, was this necessary? If not, good move.
Having asked for and received permission, why did you ask again?
If you do need permission (parent's signature, etc), how do you plan to take care of it and keep her ignorant?

juxtaposedjoker · 09-08-2004, 04:55 PM

When I was 15 (I obviously needed permission) I asked her and she said yes but to wait for summer. Then when summer came a few months later she said no. So to answer your question I asked a second time that summer so that we could go get it. Yet she had changed her mind and expressed a new found distaste for tattoos. It was interesting; a complete flip of idealogy.

Now, at age twenty, I can legally get one without her permission. I just have the sneaking suspicion that it will be no if I bring the subject up again in a serious manner.

I just want to shed some light on things before we go on. I help my mother out a great deal. It is just her and I and we take care of my grandmother. I do things to help out around the house that she admits that she would never have done at my age. My whole life circles around whether or not I'm needed to watch my grandmother and or help my mother. I do not mind doing this at all (though I did at first being a typical teen). They took care of me so I need to take care of them though it is hard when I see my friends come and go as the please. But that's life. I'm also a bright student who isn't wasting her mothers money in school and I work. I pay for a great deal of my own things and help out financially whenever I am asked to. Frankly, moving out and 'being on my own' would HURT my family because of the situation with my grandmother. Also, we moved into my grandmothers house from our condo so I am cleaning the condo for my mother but having to pay taxes on both houses, two nurses out of pocket, and my schooling is very finacially draining on my mom and she needs to work. So I have to be there to watch my grandmother whenever she cannot work from home. So if I were to strike out on my own she woudln't be able to claim me as a dependant and that would hurt her along with the fact she wouldn't have me to help take care of my grandmother, help pay for things etc.

Moving out, and totally being on my own etc wouldn't help the situation at all. Infact my mother bribes me to stay at home with kittens *points to the pic in yaks sig* She wants me to stay home so badly it isn't even funny.

So all I'm saying is this. Just let me have the freakin' tattoo cuz I do my best to help out and be a constructive member of the family. I had even saved for over a year to visit a dear friend in new zealand...my mom didn't say no but because she would be so stressed out (shes on lots of meds) over me being so far away I've canceled the trip just a few months shy of it. I do ALOT for my mother and my grandmother. So its like, I'm not a loaf ya know? Plus its my body...I'm paying for it...why can't I have it?

I just want two doves on my shoulder blades lol I wouldn't get anything werid and really throw my mother for a jolt because I agree to some extent. Once I'm on my own its time for the nipples to be pierced and for the mural I want on my back. For now, for the sake of my mother, I just want to start small.

Gambit · 09-08-2004, 07:02 PM

Ah, the "shed some light" paragraph certainly did. And the difference between the initial asking at 15 (with flip-flop) and now at 20 is considerable. So, all told, given your situation, I'd probably just go do it and don't mention it, and don't take pains to hide it or show it off. Making sure the tattoo place is sanitary and licensed and blah blah blah first would be good, of course...

On a personal note, I don't like tattoos. It's not a big OMG reaction, and I can understand them, and can toy with the idea of getting one. It's just not my thing. (Maybe it's the permanence I don't like?) However, piercings REALLY turn me off, and not just from a parent's perpective. Shudder.

XMEN Ashaman DTM · 09-08-2004, 11:13 PM

I'm the exact same way Gambit. I had a hard time with my girlfriend when I found out that she has two tatoos. Though they're both discreet, and not badly done at all.

I just have a thing against marking my own body in that way. It kind of coincides with my unwillingness to wear any sort of necklace, ever. The only jewelry I'll have is a watch and maybe a ring.

Oh and, jux, if your mom is asking you to stay and take care of the kittens or whatever, you might want to realize that she doesn't want her baby to leave the home. I know my parents had a bit of a time when I moved away to go to college. And now that my younger brother started college, I think both my dad and stepmom are experiencing the whole "empty nest" thing.

And you're right when you say that you're old enough to make your own decisions. It would seem rediculous too, for your mom to kick you out for getting a tatoo. If you burned down the garage while smoking doobies or something, then I would help your mom kick you out.

But over a tatoo? Nah... It's your body and you can do what you want. Just remember that you'll have it all your life and old grandmas with tatoos look funny. Especially when the tatoo is on a part of the body that sags.

yak · 09-09-2004, 06:40 AM

shel, jes get the damn tattoo and dont tell her about it.

also be sure that is in a place that she wont see that easily, that is what i did

Ghryphen · 09-09-2004, 07:40 AM

That is a good thing Asha, I don't think they have necklaces that big anyway.

juxtaposedjoker · 09-09-2004, 09:33 AM

LOL it really isn't to take care of the kittens...my grandmother comes first *giggles*

yeah...I agree with the burning down the garage part...luckily...that isnt a problem.

I tried talking to her and how she said no because i was sick earlier in the year so now she's freaking out about me getting dieases from tattoos. lol. I asked her if she took her meds.... While that is a valid point, i know to make sure that the equiptment they use is steril by making them open it for the first time around me. (it comes in plastic air tight packageing) etc etc etc.

I'd go somewhere well known too even if it is expensive just to be safe. And yeah I just want a small dove on each shoulder blade on my back thats it. I think I may just go and get it after my mom has calmed down or bit. I can wait a bit longer.

She is just so flip flopy and nerotic lol That's where my true agitation lies...grrrr

And lets put it this way..I don't wanna be a grandmother...or live to be that old. I'm ready to go anytime between 55-65. I wanna die when I can still wipe my own ass, walk, talk, chew, breathe, remember, and think. So I'm remembered as I should be. heh. /rant off.

Torque · 09-09-2004, 01:21 PM

I say get the nipple rings......... Should be able to hide them depending on how tight the shirt is. And, if you decide to change your mind, just take them off. Doves on the shoulders means no t-tops or what not..........

Stang · 09-09-2004, 03:26 PM

Torque

You can be a grandma at 55-65 ask my Mom she became a grandma 6 months ago

. Hell you can be a younger grandma than that these days.

From what you have told us more about you and your situation I agree with everyone and like you said when things cool down go for it and just don't tell her about it. Remember to make some time for yourself too you don't need to be there all the time. Even though your a good person it sounds like and helps with alot of the family stuff.

Gambit · 09-09-2004, 05:00 PM

Quote:

You can be a grandma at 55-65 ask my Mom she became a grandma 6 months ago.

STANG! CONGRATULATIONS! Why didn't you guys tell us?!??

(hehee j/k

)

Ghryphen · 09-10-2004, 07:27 AM

Stang · 09-10-2004, 03:07 PM

Nope not yet for us

. But I am an Aunt and lovin it

.

XRogue · 09-10-2004, 04:46 PM

I say get the tat, you obviously are responsible and will continue to be that way. Shoulder blades don't sag that much, so just ignore Asha. (like the rest of us.

j/k Ash.

09-08-2004, 12:51 PM	#1
juxtaposedjoker Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: AssTown PA Age: 40 Posts: 52	Some one knock some sense into my mother... Once upon a time in a little hick town in suburbia USA a 15 yr old girl expressed a want for a tattoo when she was older. Her mother being the hip cool mother that she was suggested that she could get it that summer. It just needed to be in a descrete location. A few months later the season of summer comes along and the girls asks her mother to follow up on her promise only to be left in dismay when her mother suddenly has a change of heart. Now, the little girl could not get a tattoo EVER. The cool attitude completely transformed into one of closed mindedness in just a few months and has stuck with the mother till present day, five years later. Yet now, the little girl is 20 and not so little anymore. The desire for a tattoo has remained with her through the years and now a kick ass artist friend designed the tattoo of her dreams and she wants it very badly. But she still lives in her mothers house and would severly piss off her mother if she got the tattoo. The tattoo however would be on her back and if the not so little girl played it right, she could make sure the nerotic mother never saw the tattoo. What's a girl to do?

09-08-2004, 03:22 PM	#2
Stang Team Captain Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Everett, WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,859 Xbox Leaderboard: 1^st	My sister was about the same age, I think 18 or 19 though, and had the same desire. She finally got it, a little flower on her ankle, and my parents didnt want her to get one either until she moved out. When they saw it they were a little upset but came around eventually. I think the size has alot to do with it too and what it is. So just be careful cuz remember its going to be with you forever. __________________

09-08-2004, 03:49 PM	#3
Gambit Forum wh0re Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: DFW area, TX Posts: 744	Speaking as a parent, (sorry for the lecture) When someone else is providing for you, you live by their rules. If you don't like the rules, show that you are resourceful enough to either pay your fair share of the bills, or move out. It doesn't have to be hostile, you are just showing you're adult enough to handle the responsibility. (My sister lived with my parents longer than I or my brother did. She ended up paying them rent, and as a result had fewer rules to deal with.) Then, if you're a "responsible adult" you should be able to make your own choices about tattoos, because you're the one living with the consequenses. A "responsible adult" deals with his/her own problems, including medical insurance or the results of not having it, as well as any social issues caused by one's own decisions (say you had a swastika or something). I do not recommend sneaking around to do what you want to do in the face of "the rulez." But there are a number of things here that I don't understand: You asked permission the first time. If you are taking care of yourself, as an "R.A" above, was this necessary? If not, good move. Having asked for and received permission, why did you ask again? If you do need permission (parent's signature, etc), how do you plan to take care of it and keep her ignorant? __________________ XMEN member Card-carrying DTM OKL Fish-napper Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained. -The Tao of Programming

09-08-2004, 04:55 PM	#4
juxtaposedjoker Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: AssTown PA Age: 40 Posts: 52	When I was 15 (I obviously needed permission) I asked her and she said yes but to wait for summer. Then when summer came a few months later she said no. So to answer your question I asked a second time that summer so that we could go get it. Yet she had changed her mind and expressed a new found distaste for tattoos. It was interesting; a complete flip of idealogy. Now, at age twenty, I can legally get one without her permission. I just have the sneaking suspicion that it will be no if I bring the subject up again in a serious manner. I just want to shed some light on things before we go on. I help my mother out a great deal. It is just her and I and we take care of my grandmother. I do things to help out around the house that she admits that she would never have done at my age. My whole life circles around whether or not I'm needed to watch my grandmother and or help my mother. I do not mind doing this at all (though I did at first being a typical teen). They took care of me so I need to take care of them though it is hard when I see my friends come and go as the please. But that's life. I'm also a bright student who isn't wasting her mothers money in school and I work. I pay for a great deal of my own things and help out financially whenever I am asked to. Frankly, moving out and 'being on my own' would HURT my family because of the situation with my grandmother. Also, we moved into my grandmothers house from our condo so I am cleaning the condo for my mother but having to pay taxes on both houses, two nurses out of pocket, and my schooling is very finacially draining on my mom and she needs to work. So I have to be there to watch my grandmother whenever she cannot work from home. So if I were to strike out on my own she woudln't be able to claim me as a dependant and that would hurt her along with the fact she wouldn't have me to help take care of my grandmother, help pay for things etc. Moving out, and totally being on my own etc wouldn't help the situation at all. Infact my mother bribes me to stay at home with kittens points to the pic in yaks sig She wants me to stay home so badly it isn't even funny. So all I'm saying is this. Just let me have the freakin' tattoo cuz I do my best to help out and be a constructive member of the family. I had even saved for over a year to visit a dear friend in new zealand...my mom didn't say no but because she would be so stressed out (shes on lots of meds) over me being so far away I've canceled the trip just a few months shy of it. I do ALOT for my mother and my grandmother. So its like, I'm not a loaf ya know? Plus its my body...I'm paying for it...why can't I have it? I just want two doves on my shoulder blades lol I wouldn't get anything werid and really throw my mother for a jolt because I agree to some extent. Once I'm on my own its time for the nipples to be pierced and for the mural I want on my back. For now, for the sake of my mother, I just want to start small. Last edited by juxtaposedjoker; 09-08-2004 at 04:58 PM.

09-08-2004, 07:02 PM	#5
Gambit Forum wh0re Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: DFW area, TX Posts: 744	Ah, the "shed some light" paragraph certainly did. And the difference between the initial asking at 15 (with flip-flop) and now at 20 is considerable. So, all told, given your situation, I'd probably just go do it and don't mention it, and don't take pains to hide it or show it off. Making sure the tattoo place is sanitary and licensed and blah blah blah first would be good, of course... On a personal note, I don't like tattoos. It's not a big OMG reaction, and I can understand them, and can toy with the idea of getting one. It's just not my thing. (Maybe it's the permanence I don't like?) However, piercings REALLY turn me off, and not just from a parent's perpective. Shudder. __________________ XMEN member Card-carrying DTM OKL Fish-napper Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained. -The Tao of Programming

09-08-2004, 11:13 PM	#6
XMEN Ashaman DTM Forum wh0re Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Seattle, WA Age: 46 Posts: 965	I'm the exact same way Gambit. I had a hard time with my girlfriend when I found out that she has two tatoos. Though they're both discreet, and not badly done at all. I just have a thing against marking my own body in that way. It kind of coincides with my unwillingness to wear any sort of necklace, ever. The only jewelry I'll have is a watch and maybe a ring. Oh and, jux, if your mom is asking you to stay and take care of the kittens or whatever, you might want to realize that she doesn't want her baby to leave the home. I know my parents had a bit of a time when I moved away to go to college. And now that my younger brother started college, I think both my dad and stepmom are experiencing the whole "empty nest" thing. And you're right when you say that you're old enough to make your own decisions. It would seem rediculous too, for your mom to kick you out for getting a tatoo. If you burned down the garage while smoking doobies or something, then I would help your mom kick you out. But over a tatoo? Nah... It's your body and you can do what you want. Just remember that you'll have it all your life and old grandmas with tatoos look funny. Especially when the tatoo is on a part of the body that sags.

09-09-2004, 06:40 AM	#7
yak Threadkiller Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: marysville, washington Age: 39 Posts: 537	shel, jes get the damn tattoo and dont tell her about it. also be sure that is in a place that she wont see that easily, that is what i did __________________ One can smile, and smile, and still be a villian.-William Shakespeare Are you trying to tell me that the man who tried to put a rubber fist in my anus was a uhh.. homosexual?-Borat

09-09-2004, 07:40 AM	#8
Ghryphen THZ Founder Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,927	That is a good thing Asha, I don't think they have necklaces that big anyway. __________________ The Hounds of Zeus \| Allied Tribal Forces

09-09-2004, 09:33 AM	#9
juxtaposedjoker Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: AssTown PA Age: 40 Posts: 52	LOL it really isn't to take care of the kittens...my grandmother comes first giggles yeah...I agree with the burning down the garage part...luckily...that isnt a problem. I tried talking to her and how she said no because i was sick earlier in the year so now she's freaking out about me getting dieases from tattoos. lol. I asked her if she took her meds.... While that is a valid point, i know to make sure that the equiptment they use is steril by making them open it for the first time around me. (it comes in plastic air tight packageing) etc etc etc. I'd go somewhere well known too even if it is expensive just to be safe. And yeah I just want a small dove on each shoulder blade on my back thats it. I think I may just go and get it after my mom has calmed down or bit. I can wait a bit longer. She is just so flip flopy and nerotic lol That's where my true agitation lies...grrrr And lets put it this way..I don't wanna be a grandmother...or live to be that old. I'm ready to go anytime between 55-65. I wanna die when I can still wipe my own ass, walk, talk, chew, breathe, remember, and think. So I'm remembered as I should be. heh. /rant off.

09-09-2004, 01:21 PM	#10
Torque Forum Regular Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houston, Tx Posts: 100	I say get the nipple rings......... Should be able to hide them depending on how tight the shirt is. And, if you decide to change your mind, just take them off. Doves on the shoulders means no t-tops or what not..........

09-09-2004, 03:26 PM	#11
Stang Team Captain Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Everett, WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,859 Xbox Leaderboard: 1^st	Torque You can be a grandma at 55-65 ask my Mom she became a grandma 6 months ago . Hell you can be a younger grandma than that these days. From what you have told us more about you and your situation I agree with everyone and like you said when things cool down go for it and just don't tell her about it. Remember to make some time for yourself too you don't need to be there all the time. Even though your a good person it sounds like and helps with alot of the family stuff. __________________

09-10-2004, 07:27 AM	#13
Ghryphen THZ Founder Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,927	Haha __________________ The Hounds of Zeus \| Allied Tribal Forces

09-10-2004, 03:07 PM	#14
Stang Team Captain Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Everett, WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,859 Xbox Leaderboard: 1^st	Nope not yet for us . But I am an Aunt and lovin it . __________________

09-10-2004, 04:46 PM	#15
XRogue Forum wh0re Join Date: May 2001 Location: Texas Age: 53 Posts: 1,097	I say get the tat, you obviously are responsible and will continue to be that way. Shoulder blades don't sag that much, so just ignore Asha. (like the rest of us. j/k Ash.