I'm trying to be funny again

[XRogue]

On the eighth day God said "OK, you can take over now Murphy".

A drug is a substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism

If anything can go wrong, it will
If anything can't go wrong, it will
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will
If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst
possible sequence.
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it
would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.

The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers

There is nothing so small that it cannot be blown out of proportion.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you look forward to the trip.

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

Rule of Creative Research:

1. Never draw what you can copy.
2. Never copy what you can trace.
3 Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.

What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

Arithmetic is bring able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.

Hardware: the parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work.

Nothing is faster than the speed of light. To prove this to yourself,
try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.

RAM= Rarely Adequate Memory.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.