ARRRGH! You damned college students!

Ambush_Bug · 01-15-2002, 11:14 AM

Present company excepted, of course. I'm referring to the particular breed of students that infest Carbondale, Illinois.

The only good thing is that there's plenty of nice-looking women running around.

[rant]

THESE IDIOTS CANNOT DRIVE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES! Hey, you jerks from Chicago, let's get one thing straight! When you come down here, this is not the freaking Dan Ryan Expressway! In a 30-mph, 3-lane road going through the city, complete with many stoplights (which have a timed 'wave' that actually WORKS) and turnoffs, there is NO NEED to go careening through the various lanes at 50 mph, trying to get ahead of that guy in front of you that's going the speed limit.

You know WHY he's going the speed limit? Well, for one thing, the cops here are mean. For another thing, he's going to coast right on through ALL of the stoplights on the main drag at that speed--you, on the other hand, buzzing along, are going to stop--start--stop all the way down 13. There's a reason we natives drive like we do--LEARN WHY.

And another thing! No matter WHAT winters are like up in Chicago, you can take your 'winter driving experience' and STUFF IT. We don't get snow that much, and when we do, we don't have the plows to get rid of it quickly. No, snow isn't the problem--unlike Chicago, Carbondale gets ICE. Lots of ICE. ICE is not like SNOW. ICE isn't something you can crush your way through in Daddy's SUV, kiddies. ICE turns your fancy-schmancy SUV into a freaking ROLLER SKATE. Unless you're used to having no traction whatsoever, don't claim you can drive on ICE, 'cause you CAN'T. I've seen it too many times. We can always tells the natives from the students during the winter 'cause the students are the ones that are in the ditch.

Why the hell are you all driving fancy cars? I've seen soo many damn SUV's, Corvettes, Camaros that it's disgusting. AND THEY'RE ALL RED! Arrrrgh! PICK SOMETHING ELSE, DAMMIT! You should come to realize something else, too. Our roads SUCK. You people with low-clearance vehicles... just don't leave town. You'll lose your drivetrian if you do. There's nothing that makes us laugh more than some student with a fancy low-riding car missing his bumper//differential//muffler because he thought he could leave the highway. If you want to come down here and not look like a FOOL, drive a beater. Get some old two or four door that has bondo all over the place and drive THAT around here--it'll last longer, and your parents won't have to pay so much insurance. Oh, wait.. I forgot... you have an IMAGE to keep up.

Ditch the gold flake paint. It's gonna get keyed, just out of pure frustration on our part. Why? 'Cause it's UGLY.

Buy your freaking CD's! If you'd actually NOT spend all your money on your car, you'd have some cash left with which to buy books and CD's, instead of using ALL THE CITY'S BANDWIDTH with your file-sharing programs!

Ditch the cell phone! This is one of the areas that, until recently, didn't have any. We'd like to KEEP it that way, especially since you maniacs not only can't drive, but 'cause you try to drive and gab at the same time. Why the hell are you on the phone anyway? You're not a native, so everything's long-distance. Are you trying to look cool? Pffft. Most SI natives look at a cell phone and think 'the poor bastard! He's on a leash!'. You are not cool.

[/rant]

01-15-2002, 11:14 AM	#1
Ambush_Bug Forum Regular Join Date: Mar 2001 Age: 46 Posts: 210	ARRRGH! You damned college students! Present company excepted, of course. I'm referring to the particular breed of students that infest Carbondale, Illinois. The only good thing is that there's plenty of nice-looking women running around. [rant] THESE IDIOTS CANNOT DRIVE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES! Hey, you jerks from Chicago, let's get one thing straight! When you come down here, this is not the freaking Dan Ryan Expressway! In a 30-mph, 3-lane road going through the city, complete with many stoplights (which have a timed 'wave' that actually WORKS) and turnoffs, there is NO NEED to go careening through the various lanes at 50 mph, trying to get ahead of that guy in front of you that's going the speed limit. You know WHY he's going the speed limit? Well, for one thing, the cops here are mean. For another thing, he's going to coast right on through ALL of the stoplights on the main drag at that speed--you, on the other hand, buzzing along, are going to stop--start--stop all the way down 13. There's a reason we natives drive like we do--LEARN WHY. And another thing! No matter WHAT winters are like up in Chicago, you can take your 'winter driving experience' and STUFF IT. We don't get snow that much, and when we do, we don't have the plows to get rid of it quickly. No, snow isn't the problem--unlike Chicago, Carbondale gets ICE. Lots of ICE. ICE is not like SNOW. ICE isn't something you can crush your way through in Daddy's SUV, kiddies. ICE turns your fancy-schmancy SUV into a freaking ROLLER SKATE. Unless you're used to having no traction whatsoever, don't claim you can drive on ICE, 'cause you CAN'T. I've seen it too many times. We can always tells the natives from the students during the winter 'cause the students are the ones that are in the ditch. Why the hell are you all driving fancy cars? I've seen soo many damn SUV's, Corvettes, Camaros that it's disgusting. AND THEY'RE ALL RED! Arrrrgh! PICK SOMETHING ELSE, DAMMIT! You should come to realize something else, too. Our roads SUCK. You people with low-clearance vehicles... just don't leave town. You'll lose your drivetrian if you do. There's nothing that makes us laugh more than some student with a fancy low-riding car missing his bumper//differential//muffler because he thought he could leave the highway. If you want to come down here and not look like a FOOL, drive a beater. Get some old two or four door that has bondo all over the place and drive THAT around here--it'll last longer, and your parents won't have to pay so much insurance. Oh, wait.. I forgot... you have an IMAGE to keep up. Ditch the gold flake paint. It's gonna get keyed, just out of pure frustration on our part. Why? 'Cause it's UGLY. Buy your freaking CD's! If you'd actually NOT spend all your money on your car, you'd have some cash left with which to buy books and CD's, instead of using ALL THE CITY'S BANDWIDTH with your file-sharing programs! Ditch the cell phone! This is one of the areas that, until recently, didn't have any. We'd like to KEEP it that way, especially since you maniacs not only can't drive, but 'cause you try to drive and gab at the same time. Why the hell are you on the phone anyway? You're not a native, so everything's long-distance. Are you trying to look cool? Pffft. Most SI natives look at a cell phone and think 'the poor bastard! He's on a leash!'. You are not cool. [/rant]