Dearest Redneck Son

[Stang]

Got this from my Aunt hehe no really my aunt



Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20
miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address
because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house
numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We
haven't
seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first
time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them
off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it
is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just
like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to
pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he
burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch
was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other
two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the
normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom