This is pissing me off...

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

Well, I'm taking a math class this quarter...something for fun, and I think I will need it later down the road. I mention this so that you guys know that there is some structure in my life.

Now, several things seem to be piling up:

-My uncle died a few weeks ago. Funerals are sad.
-My grades were not as good as I had hoped for the last quarter. They were alright, but for the amount of work that I had put in, I think I should have done better.
-I wrote a technical paper on using a fusion reactor as a propulsion device. It was 65 pages when I had finished. I spent a long time writing it, and was pleased to finally turn it in. Well, according to the professor that I was writing it for, it is not ready for submission. I expected this, but it is disheartening to have to rewrite the damn thing so that it can be put in something like scientific american.
-I was dating a girl for a while; we weren't in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but we had fun. She graduated this June, and went to work in San Francisco; we broke it off. Sucks, but I'm dealing with this one okay.
-I wanted a job for the summer. Instead, I got offers for full time positions that I had to turn down, because they would have been pissed if I quit when autumn quarter started up again. (The best offer was a job at Boeing, doing RF antenna design and electromagnetic/charged particle simulations...53k a year.)
-The research job that I was holding in reserve if the summer job offers didn't unfold was filled while I was still waiting. This pisses me off, because it's my fault. >:
-I haven't enjoyed the sun lately, because I've been sick since last wednesday. I emptied my stomach yesterday morning, and had to miss a bunch of stuff. It's making me miserable. >:
-The more that I think about this stuff, the more that I realize that some of it is my fault, and it is making me angry at myself. I drive myself hard, and I found out that it was taking a toll on my system...my blood pressure was rising, most likely from stress. This pisses me off too, because it is so preventable. My blood pressure peaked at 165 / 105 at a pulse of 90 (rest), and just a few months prior it was at a relatively normal 138 / 76 and a pulse of 56 (rest). It REALLY pisses me off, because it's preventable, and it is my fault that it happened. (Though I did find that playing video games was a great release )

>:


Overall, I'm pretty pissed off...mostly at myself for letting things get to the point where it affected my health. That's usually not like me. I am usually in complete control of my body and mind...I think that I was in control the whole time this was happening But due to lack of sleep and stress, it backfired.