True Southerners

[XRogue]

Southern girls know their religions: Baptist, Methodist, Football.

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit" and a connipition fit and that you don't "have them"----but you "pitch them".

Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc make up a "mess".

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is.. as in "going to town--be back directly".

Even a true Southerner knows that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know this concept well.

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin').

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "aright far piece" They know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

True Southerners know the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb or an adverb.

True Southerners make friends standing in line. We don't do "queues", we do "lines". And when we are in line-----we talk to everyone.

Put 100 Southerners in a room....and half of them will discover they're related--if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll".

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it--we do not like our tea unsweetened; "sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows that you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies and men who drive 30 on the freeway--you say, "Bless his/her heart", and go on your way.

[Ghryphen]