Goodbye.

[Mythril Gear]

I guess KitZ is right. Seeing as I've been rejected by the THZ recruiter, I have no chance with THZ. Actually, I knew this since I read theTHZ Corporate letter. I fail in more than half of the criteria.
Ok. I will admit it. I am a leech and a Sloth Political. I DO try to elvate myself by friendships and connections with others. I am the scum of the earth. I did try to use THZ for that very purpose, but I see you are able to see through my ploy.
No, my depression does not give me power over people or some satisfaction. I truly hate myself, there is nothing more to it. So go ahead, Make fun, Laugh at me, Mock me, Hate me. I just dont care anymore, I am the lowest of the low.

Stupid Sloth Politicals.... make me sick.

Be sick, for you have revealed my true self. There is no hiding behind any bariers or redemption for me. I am what you say.

That said, I am leaving now. There is no place for me here. I did wrong, I deserve to pay for my crime.

exit MG stage right

[Cerberus]

whats up with all this self-pity?

[KitZune]

Dammit... No, you're not ******* leaving. I will not let you leave like this. I cannot let you leave like this. The world is crashing down... I will help you rebuild it, ok? Sloth Politicals... I'm Sloth, but I can't remember which division. Don't do this... I don't want another of my friends to destroy themselves before my eyes... I don't think my soul could take it again.... knowing how rending the last time it happened was... I need to talk to you, Jeff... You better read this post, and call me up. Better yet, respond to the post, because I dont know if Kit wants her phone# put on the internet, and I don't know when I can go home. Respond either here, or in the Bitch pit... Stupid me, I read these posts in opposite order.... This one was OBVIOUSLY the more important one for me to respond to.

Listen Jeff.... You are an amazing person. You have talents and gifts that *ARE* rare. Yes, you have an identity crisis. Yes, some people will not like you because of who you are right now... But I know you in real life, I have seen the different, fun-loving, friendly side you have... Not the side you showed us in Dan C.'s basement, the side that nearly caused several people to kill you... ... Ok, that was an inappropriate time to laugh... I'm sorry. But listen to me for real... I want to help, and I'm going to help you. I'm not going to berrate you until you listen to me, and I'm not going to drop you in a vat of acid and ask you to stay afloat until I'm pleased that you're trying hard enough. I'm going to hold your hand (figuratively and literally (If you need it)) and walk you through this process, because I can see I left you in the wrong direction after Budget Grad... It's something I did wrong, and it's something I'll fix, given time. I just hope I haven't destroyed you in the process.. Don't make my mistake valid, Jeff. You have the power over your own life. Everything people think about you is subject to *YOUR* own will. Nothing anyone thinks of you here is because of what somebody else said... it's because of what you said. So what if there are people with biases of you? So what if they're the THZ recruiter? You have to learn that you can't shake first impressions... But, you also have to learn that you can, with a lot of work, make friends after falling face first into their lunch table... (Never happened to me, I swear )

Alrighty... Sorry for the long post. Don't call my house, Jeff. I will call you when I'm home. I don't know what day that'll be, but I will definitely call you when I'm home. Yes, this has been a Laurelin post, despite the alias... I've drugged Kit, and I'm using her computer to broadcast my evil happy happy messages.

Jeff, I'm going to say this to you. If you die now, at this moment in time, no one will mourn at your funeral. I will, but I'm not important. When you die, you want to go out in a blaze of glory, ne? You want friends and family and relatives to come and mourn and cry and have long eulogies... Do you understand where I'm going? I hope so.

Lean on me... I'll be your ladder.

[The Ghost of MG]

No, I'm not an amazing person. Just look at my driving... that should say it all. Without a group I am nothing at all, just as Kit said. I'm over my caffeine now, and what he says makes perfect absolute sense, except for the depression part. I just can't stand the way my life is going, and it seems I'm powerless to stop it. I just sit by and it happens, theres nothing I can do about it. Well, that and that fact that I'm starting to hate the sound of my own name.

Oh well, such is life?

PS: I dont have Kit's phone number.

[KitZune]

Your life is in your control, and it will always be. what you have to understand is that exactly. ONLY YOU can change your life, and you can do so as simply as just thinking it and doing it... Problem is that you have to be willing to do it. You can never be part of a functional group until you are confident enough by yourself. A sad part of it all is that complaining and BEING depressed is what makes people not want to be around you... So change that first, and the rest will follow.

[Aluscia]

I'm sorry about the confusion, Jeff. I am at home now, so you can call me.. Let's get together on monday and talk/watch anime/play vgs... Ok?

[The Ghost of MG]

Here goes a line-by-line reply...

ONLY YOU can change your life, and you can do so as simply as just thinking it and doing it... Problem is that you have to be willing to do it.

I know that! But I'm unable to take control of my life, as it's being pinned down by others. I sincerely want to change, I just dont want to beat the tar out of whoever gets in my way. I comes to this, Either I be very, very blunt, or sneaky. I'm really not up to the sneaky part, So I think I will be blunt.

You can never be part of a functional group until you are confident enough by yourself.

No, youre wrong. There is no rule of time and space that says you have to hack it by yourself before people will accept you. That IS what friends are for. True friends, I might add, not the wimpy kind you meet everyday, the kind who aren't fazed by the truth. In this world, I had four friends like that. Two still are in contact with me, one was excommunicated, one has drifted out of range. That leaves two. TWO people who care enough about me to do something about it.
1) Dan. If I ever got to a point where I couldn't handle it, Dan would fend off the world for me. If I ever screwed up, he'd hammer me out, then hang me out to dry, drag me back inside, and make me do it correctly. The problem is, he has gone off to boot camp... leaving me alone.
2) [Name Removed] s/he listens to everything I have to say, and then screams it back to me, the voice of reason. There are many other things s/he's done for me, more than s/he will ever know.

A sad part of it all is that complaining and BEING depressed is what makes people not want to be around you... So change that first, and the rest will follow.

It's a catch 22. I need ppl to sort me out, but you say I need to sort out before ppl will like me.

Conclusion:
I need to sort my self out, and clobber a few ppl if need be. Being like this is going nowhere... but, I need a starting point. It all begins this friday...

[Aluscia]

I wish you'd return my calls at least, biatch. Jeez.... I really want to hang out with you, but you aren't communicating with me at all. What's going on Friday, anyway>?

[KitZune]

What you just told me is that you are co-dependant...

Meaning you NEED other people for... ANYTHING... in your case, you believe you need other people for everything else... YOU are wrong, MG... YOU need to be confident and love yourself before others will follow. I've been through the same changes as you... and I"m sorry you don't accept that someone else may ACTUALLY have the same problems, or worse, than you, but it's true... I have it worse than a lot of people... but I don't complain, and I am very happy with myself now... from time to time I get depressed... and I'll tell you when I get depressed my friends DO get concerned, but they don't think it's fun to hang out with me... My girlfriend hates it when I'm all depressed, although she is concerned and helps me the best she can, I have to deal with it myself...

Once upon a time this was too hard to deal with myself... I sought professional help, and help it did. I suggest you find a professional who can help you out, MG... Believe it or not... you are NOT a special case... hell even I wasn't a special case. And if my case wasn't "Special" than I don't know what in the hell special could possibly be!

Believe in yourself and the rest will follow... the funny part is.... Is that it *IS* that simple. Don't let other people make decisions for you, listen to yourself first. Allow your friends to help you through this, yes... but realise that friends are other people... they cannot understand you the way you can, and they cannot always be trusted to help out exactly the way you need. Stop being so damn selfish. "Dan went to boot-camp and left me all alone." Boo hoo.. let him live his life, it is not his job to keep you happy. That job is yours and yours alone.

I know a lot about life... and I know even MORE about PEOPLE. You have to learn to be happy...

If only HEATHER were real... then you'd see. talk to me sometime... I can be found on ICQ sometimes... and my e-mail address is kitzune@thzclan.com, I am not willing to bare my serious side for this long to everyone I know for reasons of my own... Contact me, leave messages, and I will get back to you.

Otherwise... why complain here? Unless you were either looking for sympathy (which you told me you weren't) or if you're looking for help.

[Aluscia]

I'm Special K! I like hanging out with you when you're depressed... that's when you turn on kick ass music in your house, Kit...

[KitZune]

When I'm home alone and depressed, that's me... blasting the stereo equipment... I hope I'm not the one that messed up the equilizer... When I'm not home alone, I tend to come down here and just sit on my computer... or play a game with lotsa violence in it to cool me down.

[ZechsMerquise]

Well I don't really know you, or the situation so theres not much I can say. Other than you obviously have friends who do care for you here.

Im reminded of this quote

"The only way you deal with pain, you don't surrender and you don't run away. You turn it into something positive." - From Babylon 5

Don't focus on what you "Don't" have to offer THZ, focus on what you do! Find what you do best around here, besides annoy everyone (I'm just kidding there). Hey if you ask me you seemed like a nice and artistically creative person. A whiz with the comp skills.

Meh im rambling, just figured I had to say something here. Its a sad day when anyone gives up on something.

[Kusiami]

I have seen MG in the chat, so is this all over now?

[Kusiami]

If it isn't, then shame on me for being such an inconsiderate prick.

[RazorDragoon]

I'm quite sure its over.
'Cause he's back to his happy (well,sort of) self!