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06-11-2001, 04:40 PM | #1 |
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This is pretty funny.
I recived this in an amail and i thought i would share it cause it is pretty funny. please forgive the >'s cause it is a forwarding.
>--------- Forwarded Message --------- >Hi everyone! Enjoy the story for the day! Zoe > >Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outsideof >thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, >thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we cangrow >grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency >program. > >Imagine the conversation God might have with St. Peter about this: > >"Peter, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world isgoing >on >down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuffI >started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those >plants >grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.The >nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey beesand >flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. >But >all I see are these green rectangles." > >"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started >calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and >replace them with grass." > >"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract >butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental >with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grassgrowing >there?" > >"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep itgreen. >They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any otherplant >"that crops up in the lawn." > >"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. >That >must make the Suburbanites happy." > >"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it sometimes >twice a week." > >"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?" > >"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags." > >"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?" > >"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away." > >"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.And >when >it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?" > > "Yes, sir." > >"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut backon the >rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves thema >lot >of work." > >"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing sofast, >they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continueto >mow it and pay to get rid of it." > >"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer >stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the >spring >to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall tothe >ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect >the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost toenhance >the soil. It's a natural circle of life." > >"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.As >soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them >hauled >away." > >"No! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winterand >keep the soil moist and loose?" > >"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something theycall >mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves." > >"And where do they get this mulch?" > >"They cut down trees and grind them up." > >"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore." > >"St. Paul, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduledfor >us >tonight?" > >"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real silly movie about..." > >"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story." > >--------- End Forwarded Message --------- |
06-11-2001, 05:36 PM | #2 |
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06-11-2001, 06:16 PM | #3 |
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That is so good
I love it! |
06-12-2001, 08:11 AM | #4 |
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06-12-2001, 04:18 PM | #5 |
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Im glad you like it. I loved it too.
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06-12-2001, 06:05 PM | #6 |
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That is sooo true!!!
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06-12-2001, 08:58 PM | #7 | ||
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Pretty funny.
Perc posted that over in our Humor forum a few days ago.
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06-13-2001, 02:33 PM | #8 |
Emo Queen
1000th Thread Main Forum |
... excellent... I love it!
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Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead |
06-17-2001, 07:29 PM | #9 |
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Everybody loves it, yay!
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06-18-2001, 04:22 AM | #10 |
Emo Queen
1000th Thread Main Forum |
Mazellan, you know I have to respond somewhat intelligently to each of your spam posts, but I'm having trouble with this one... ah well, I guess I've written enough now.
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Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead |
06-18-2001, 08:08 AM | #11 |
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