The Man Code

Ghryphen · 06-06-2002, 08:00 AM

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see
nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all that's required.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F*CK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

32. Never ask to ride another man's Harley, you are better off asking to ride his wife/girlfriend.

Aluscia · 06-06-2002, 08:43 AM

... Thew were totally funny, because all the ones that said "slightly gay" or "too gay" or whatever I totally do all the time as it is... hmmm

As it is, having a gay buddy would be awesome, from my vantage point... Just think, they aren't going to go after your friends, and they aren't going to go after hot chicks. I should know... eating out makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it...

Ghryphen · 06-06-2002, 09:04 AM

Sienfeld said once, "The benefit to being gay, if you find a partner your size, you just doubled your wardrobe."

Aluscia · 06-06-2002, 01:51 PM

that's not the *only* advantage, let me tell you... oops, I don't want to turn this into a XXX forum, lol.

Israfel · 06-06-2002, 09:40 PM

Gee... the entire focus of that is A) Sex and B) Alcohol. I mean... I can understand the sex part, but what is it with alcohol, I mean, I don't see what's so great about alcohol (maybe because I have the tolerance for about ONE glass in 24 hours) and the whole getting drunk thing. I'd prefer to get high, I mean last time it "happened" to me *COUGH* *COUGH* the FLOOR was moving and curving underneath me! Now that was fukkin cool! (On the same note, I had to drive across burlington while I was still a bit buzzed, all the passengers kept saying "Jeff!!! Are you okay to be drving like this?!?!?!?") Does alcohol do stuff like that too?

XMEN Ashaman DTM · 06-06-2002, 11:21 PM

Nope, it slows things down.
And brings out the more basic elements of your personality. Base emotions, like anger, sadness, etc.

Aluscia · 06-07-2002, 03:32 AM

Alcohol makes me sleepy and lazy. Oh, and it piques my lust.

I've smoked up more than a few times in my life, and I'd rather have alcohol to weed any day... any day. (mind you, I can drink a 40 of vodka without horrible things happening)

Ghryphen · 06-07-2002, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Laurelin
...I've smoked up more than a few times in my life...

I haven't ever done any drugs, nor been around anyone who was.

Aluscia · 06-07-2002, 08:52 AM

Well, I guess that's been changed now, hasn't it? Yeah... a former best friend (the one who knocked me unconcious in the tree incident... Dan Gyergyai, for people who know him) was a drug dealer later in life... and, since I had known him for 2 years, I wasn't exactly ready to abandon him over that... so I got to sample some things in my life... But I don't do drugs anymore, and prolly haven't done them since midterm grade 9... so, 4 years ago.

Ghryphen · 06-07-2002, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Laurelin
...prolly haven't done them...

Aluscia · 06-07-2002, 01:12 PM

Well, if you're around people who are smoking up, and unfortunately my sense of smell is bad, so I don't usually figure it out right away, it's like doing drugs anyways. Let's put it this way. I haven't done drugs permissively since grade 9.

Stang · 06-07-2002, 05:06 PM

Im surprised that men have so many codes. I thought it would be like 3.

1. Sex
2. Alcohol
3.Sex

I never had done any drugs either. My sis was into it pretty good I guess but has cleaned up and is on the right track now, but never saw her do any of it. But saw her doing something else

, not going to say cuz I dont need some peps that know her blabbin that I said stuff

.

Im not a big drinker, I think because I dont like the taste of alcohol, so I let everyone else get drunk then we have fun with them

. Some of our friends are great drunks *cough* Krash *cough*.

My favorite drink is a Pina Colada

.

Cerberus · 06-07-2002, 05:26 PM

Never done drugs except smokes and alcohol, I never smoked just tried it. and I drink occasionally. But never done any other drug ever.

Spinning Hat · 06-07-2002, 05:57 PM

NO Comment.

XMEN Ashaman DTM · 06-07-2002, 10:31 PM

Never any drugs here. Unless you count alcohol.

Which I don't think I'll ever touch again. After an incident a few weekends ago. (30+ shots of vodka and a beer...oh and some jello shots in there too)

06-06-2002, 08:00 AM	#1
Ghryphen THZ Founder Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,927	The Man Code 1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat" 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. 11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it. 13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'. 15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all that's required. 18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy. 24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?" 25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. 26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer. 27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response. 28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. 29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. 30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F*CK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility. 31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 32. Never ask to ride another man's Harley, you are better off asking to ride his wife/girlfriend. __________________ The Hounds of Zeus \| Allied Tribal Forces

06-06-2002, 08:43 AM	#2
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 42 Posts: 2,346	... Thew were totally funny, because all the ones that said "slightly gay" or "too gay" or whatever I totally do all the time as it is... hmmm As it is, having a gay buddy would be awesome, from my vantage point... Just think, they aren't going to go after your friends, and they aren't going to go after hot chicks. I should know... eating out makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it... __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

06-06-2002, 09:04 AM	#3
Ghryphen THZ Founder Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 50 Posts: 3,927	Sienfeld said once, "The benefit to being gay, if you find a partner your size, you just doubled your wardrobe." __________________ The Hounds of Zeus \| Allied Tribal Forces

06-06-2002, 01:51 PM	#4
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 42 Posts: 2,346	that's not the only advantage, let me tell you... oops, I don't want to turn this into a XXX forum, lol. __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

06-07-2002, 03:32 AM	#7
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 42 Posts: 2,346	Alcohol makes me sleepy and lazy. Oh, and it piques my lust. I've smoked up more than a few times in my life, and I'd rather have alcohol to weed any day... any day. (mind you, I can drink a 40 of vodka without horrible things happening) __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

06-06-2002, 09:40 PM	#5
Israfel Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 26	Gee... the entire focus of that is A) Sex and B) Alcohol. I mean... I can understand the sex part, but what is it with alcohol, I mean, I don't see what's so great about alcohol (maybe because I have the tolerance for about ONE glass in 24 hours) and the whole getting drunk thing. I'd prefer to get high, I mean last time it "happened" to me COUGH COUGH the FLOOR was moving and curving underneath me! Now that was fukkin cool! (On the same note, I had to drive across burlington while I was still a bit buzzed, all the passengers kept saying "Jeff!!! Are you okay to be drving like this?!?!?!?") Does alcohol do stuff like that too?

06-06-2002, 11:21 PM	#6
XMEN Ashaman DTM Forum wh0re Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Seattle, WA Age: 47 Posts: 965	Nope, it slows things down. And brings out the more basic elements of your personality. Base emotions, like anger, sadness, etc.

06-07-2002, 08:52 AM	#9
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 42 Posts: 2,346	Well, I guess that's been changed now, hasn't it? Yeah... a former best friend (the one who knocked me unconcious in the tree incident... Dan Gyergyai, for people who know him) was a drug dealer later in life... and, since I had known him for 2 years, I wasn't exactly ready to abandon him over that... so I got to sample some things in my life... But I don't do drugs anymore, and prolly haven't done them since midterm grade 9... so, 4 years ago. __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

06-07-2002, 01:12 PM	#11
Aluscia Emo Queen 1000th Thread Main Forum Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: In a subterranean complex. Age: 42 Posts: 2,346	Well, if you're around people who are smoking up, and unfortunately my sense of smell is bad, so I don't usually figure it out right away, it's like doing drugs anyways. Let's put it this way. I haven't done drugs permissively since grade 9. __________________ Favourite Song of the moment - Pyramid Song - Radiohead

06-07-2002, 05:06 PM	#12
Stang Team Captain Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Everett, WA, USA Age: 51 Posts: 3,859 Xbox Leaderboard: 1^st	Im surprised that men have so many codes. I thought it would be like 3. 1. Sex 2. Alcohol 3.Sex I never had done any drugs either. My sis was into it pretty good I guess but has cleaned up and is on the right track now, but never saw her do any of it. But saw her doing something else , not going to say cuz I dont need some peps that know her blabbin that I said stuff . Im not a big drinker, I think because I dont like the taste of alcohol, so I let everyone else get drunk then we have fun with them . Some of our friends are great drunks cough Krash cough. My favorite drink is a Pina Colada . __________________

06-07-2002, 05:26 PM	#13
Cerberus One bad mofo'n Hound Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Your Mom's House Age: 48 Posts: 1,319	Never done drugs except smokes and alcohol, I never smoked just tried it. and I drink occasionally. But never done any other drug ever. __________________ Tribes:Ascend Play it today for free

06-07-2002, 05:57 PM	#14
Spinning Hat Toupee Cover Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Coon Rapids, MN USA Age: 45 Posts: 755	NO Comment. __________________ Never, Never, Never Quit -Winston Churchill

06-07-2002, 10:31 PM	#15
XMEN Ashaman DTM Forum wh0re Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Seattle, WA Age: 47 Posts: 965	Never any drugs here. Unless you count alcohol. Which I don't think I'll ever touch again. After an incident a few weekends ago. (30+ shots of vodka and a beer...oh and some jello shots in there too)

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