Dating Sucks

[DeLukas]

I forgot about this place. I think I could just bitch forever!

Anyway, So my beef with the world is that I can't manage to find/keep a girlfriend. I kind of think this is related to the fact the I had planned to marry my high school sweet heart (Got engaged last December, she sent me back the ring in February. I am still not totally sure why. Though over this past year, do to things she has said in the few times we have talked, I come to suspect her friend Pete had something to do with it.)

So, anyway, I reapplied to a bunch of schools, because I really did not want to go to school near her. About that time I hooked up with a sweet girl (I though she was sweet at the time) but she was moving to Colorado (see location<--). So, I looked at the schools up in that area and CSU was better then the other places I was looking at going. So, I applied and got in. I move up to Colorado and get dumped, because I was too close. Seems 4 hours away is too close for some relationships.

So that leaves me in my current state. I’ve been having a good time playing the field, but that’s not really what I want. To top that off, my first girlfriend and I were together for 5 (6?) years! Like I know anything about how to start up a relationship. Grrrrrrr!

[Maz]

I feel ya, I was in a 4 year relationship trougth HS and college, and then we broke up, now eveything sucks, I never realised how boring weekends are

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

Heh.

Some advice from a guy that was single for quite a long while:

don't put all your hopes on one girl. Believe it or not, going out with several girls during the same week is good for you. It really makes you look at all of the girls and see how they differ.

don't necessarily go for the hottest girl in the room. She's getting hit on constantly, and will probably have her defenses up. Go for one of the others that caught your eye.

saying 'hi' is the best "pickup line" you can use. The big thing with dating is quantity. If one girl plays games with you, or doesn't treat you well right away, she doesn't respect you. Move on as quick as you can. Don't EVER second guess yourself... if something isn't right, move on.

don't be so picky that you move on from every single girl. you'll end up like George on Seinfeld: he found fault with EVERY single woman he dated. He also ended up in his thirties with not even a girlfriend. Just think about if the fault is something you could accept. My current girlfriend talks loudly... which is something that my sister does and it annoys me. But at the same time, I can work with it. Different things for different guys. Just don't make the mistake of ruling out a woman for the smallest fault.
(Remember, that you are not perfect either.)

If you come across a beautiful woman and you start to get nervous, remember the silver rule: EVERYONE POOPS!

Get out and meet people. Doesn't matter if they are guys or girls. Meet a lot of people. If meeting people isn't your thing, visit a grocery store a lot. You meet a LOT of interesting people at those places. And sometimes, the women approach you... I got asked out after a woman and I were discussing cucumbers and she noted how phallic they are. I laughed and we went out a few times.

When seeing several people, do NOT tell the women that you are seeing other people. This should be common sense. Only after you've had "the talk" about a monogamous relationship should you consider her your girlfriend. Let the woman bring this up.


And another silver rule for guys in general: NEVER EVER come off desparate. This would include things like hanging out with her ALL THE TIME; or saying how much you love her when you first meet her (never say that until after you've had the talk, and she's stated how she feels first). Or anything else along those lines (I hope those lines were made clear). DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH HER FIRST! If you do, 9 times out of 10 she'll sense it and consider you desparate... it makes women feel gross. They don't like the feeling of being stalked or pressured or anything like that. And if they do, then you had better move on because they are messed up.

Do things that you enjoy... preferably things that involve other people so you have opportunity to meet new people. You'll feel better about yourself and have opportunity. Women like men that feel good about themselves. Don't take a cynical view of the world... the world becomes a depressing, colorless wasteland if you are cynical.

Keep trying to meet new people. School is an excellent place to do that. You don't have to party or anything, but I recommend at least going to some parties.

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

And if you are going to complain about things... use this forum. ;)

I know you may not be looking for advice now... but keep what I said in mind in the future. ;)

[Maz]

good advice

[DeLukas]

and starting tomorrow night I will try to follow it :)

[Stang]

Woohoo! Tell us how it went :). We will help you so you dont mess up anymore :).

Just be yourself dont act like a different person that your not. We hate that too.

[Maz]

Just be yourself dont act like a different person that your not.


true

[yak]

whether or not you want to listen to me, i only really have two rules.
1. dont try to change yourself to fit their needs
and
2. be honest from the start of the relationship
:shifty :shifty :shifty :shifty :shifty

[Stang]

Like I said :p. It must sound "right" coming from a mans mouth :p.

[Maz]

LOL:lol

[PrincessAmy]

I say, just find what makes you happy in life(you know like everyone says 'find yourself') and don't really try to find 'the right one', and before you know it...she/he will be sitting right infront of you. ;)

[Stang]

Exactly :D

[DeLukas]

Hmmm. . . .seems like I'm a great person to say up with all night talking to about problems. . .but going on a date with. . .no way.

I think a simple picture explains everything:

<img src=http://suzanneh.com/1/picture_dictionary_food/lollypop.jpg>

[Stang]

Well at least you know where you stand with that person and can move on to find that other person you want a love connection with. You will find that special person Delukas dont rush it. Dont want to make a mistake down the road. Just have a good time for now and it will all fall into place.

[Jode]

Just make sure that person isn't already taken. ;)

[Gambit]

Friendship first, romance later. :) That's the way to make sure it'll last.

[Jode]

yup ;)

[Maz]

Originally posted by Jode
Just make sure that person isn't already taken. ;)

Alot of people don't understand this concept

[Jode]

No kidding. Makes me want to :barf :barf :barf

[Cerberus]

:gwave: :jester2:

[Jode]

:barf :barf

[DeLukas]

And to continue my whine : I am spineless
oh well, time to grow a backbone. Maybe I will have some fun drama to weave into a tale. Wish me luck!

[Stang]

Good luck bud and have fun! :)

[Maz]

and remember, nice guy always finish last :disgust

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

No they don't.


Just don't be a smothering, I-love-you-even-though-I-just-met-you kind of guy.

Nice guys can get in on the action. Trust me. I'm a nice guy.

The things that help are:

-to NOT help the women that have problems... move on
-don't spend every minute of every day with her
-don't give her ANY gifts until 90 days have passed. no flowers, no cards (unless it's for a birthday or holiday), no gifts of any kind until that limit is up... those that stick around for 90 days are the ones that are really interested in you... and women are slow to realize that they don't have any interest in a guy, so 90 days is long enough that they'll realize they're not interested in you if that's the case.
-and being a nice guy does NOT mean that you bend over for the woman. it means that you are courteous, respectful, and abide by your manners when you are around the woman you are interested in.
-if you pour the attention on, the woman will get turned off.
-if you go to a woman for advice, do NOT go with what she says alone. ALWAYS get a second opinion. my brother always got burned with this... at least until I set him straight.



Remember... these "rules" aren't meant to be cruel or mean or anything like that. They're to protect you from unnecessary harm and wasting your time with a poor investment. You want the women that are interested in you... you should know this pretty quickly.... she'll go out of her way to touch you somehow, she'll display body language that says that she's interested in you (attention focused on you for no apparent reason, legs not crossed when she's seated across from you at dinner, laughter, etc.) I know that sounds funny, but you gotta learn to spot the women that show interest in you... it's obvious when you know what signs to look for... that's the point of meeting a lot of women.



Think of it like this: it's generally accepted (by society and by biology) that the male approaches the female. BUT, the female is the one that chooses. NO amount of showing off will sway a female's mind once it's made up. That's why you should spend some time to figure out what biological and behavioral signals women give off when they show interest. Understanding this will also save you a LOT of heartache.

[Stang]

You hit it right on Asha, couldnt say it any better. Yes dont smother us or we will lose interest fast keep us thinking about you.

From a girls perspective, at least mine, Ashas "rules" dont sound cruel at all but help you men deal with us women and at the same time keep us interested in you and to see if you are the right one for one another. Nobody wants to waste their time so dont do it :).

[Steele]

Ah fer cryin out loud...I say pee on their leg and get it over with...what were we talking about

[Gambit]

The problem is, if they'll stick with you through THAT, you may not want them to... :lol

[Jode]

:lol

[Stang]

Thats why we live on the other side of the mountain than you :D.

[Steele]

You see I tell my wife how it is. If she don't like it...I'll just sleep on the couch...;)

[Stang]

:lol

[Maz]

:lol

that why I have a spare bedroom :)

[XRogue]

I have a very comfy sofa. So I'm the one who gets it.

[Ghryphen]

:lol

[Stang]

We would have a fight over the bed as we both love it :D. But Im pretty sure I'd win :lol.

[Jode]

:lol

Yah theres no way I'd leave my bed either!!

[DeLukas]

Originally posted by Jode
Just make sure that person isn't already taken. ;)

I lose. I didn't check and found out from one of her friends. However, she says, "...but I really like you. You're one of my best guy friends." My impluse is to run.

[XRogue]

Dude, follow that impulse, trust me. :eek:

[Stang]

Yes run fast and don't look back :eek: .

[Jode]

:gryph10:

[Maz]

RRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNN

[Gambit]

Well, I won't just say run, IF:

Can you keep it strictly friends-ish?

That's tough to do, I know. What does that mean? For starters, never being alone with this girl. You're either out in public or with friends or whatever, but nothing that could in any way, shape, or form be considered a date. You have to turn off the hormones, the flirting, the whole shebang.

If you aren't 100% sure you can keep this relationship on that level, then run. You can't even, in the back of your mind, think that someday she might not be with this other guy anymore, and so maybe you've got a shot at it. Most guys, especially young guys, can't do this.

So you probably should run. No reason you can't maintain a friendship, but a much more distant friendship than you were probably thinking of... :)

[Maz]

well said gambit