people that dont have "kinky" sex

[yak]

i can't stand people that don't have what is considered to be "kinky" sex. whether they are scared to try new things, i dont really care. they just really piss me off. what's wrong with some chains or whips or executioner's masks. then why do they complain if they dont understand it. :mad: :devil: :mad:

[Aluscia]

My sentiments exactly... I find it quite disparaging that people get mad at their partners for suggesting things like that.

[yak]

yes thats my point,
some people just cant accept the fact that it takes different thngs to satisfy different people


:hammy:

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

People get mad?

WTF?

I'm not saying that I'm into rough sex... but come on! I can see someone not wanting to do it... but getting mad? Then again, if the person that wants it is pressuring the other, that's not right.

[Spinning Hat]

I like being tied to my bed. Whips, on theother hand, are not for me, but hey- I'll try most anything once.

[Stang]

Having some trouble with the partner? :D

Dont pressure them cuz it wont get ya anywhere and like Asha said its not right :nono. Then it starts boarding on other issues.

Ill try anything once but Ill also stop it in the middle of it if I dont like it.

When I first read this I was like "why is he worried about how others have sex?" "Its none of your business what others do", "Worry about your own sex". So it must be a personal issue :). But hey this is what the Pit is for :D.

[Xenocidez66]

At this point I will take sex any way that I can get it. I am married and its been over 3 months now. I can't see how any one can complain about how it happens. They can be married to my wife (she puts the "F" in fridged) and not get any. Its not the "how" it happens its the "how often"

[XRogue]

Eh, I can sympathize, Xeno, tho not fulluy understanding your pain. Personally, sex is one of the greatest things ever invented, IMHO. Is there anything which might help your situation?

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

Let me correct Rogue:

Is there anything which might help your situation besides a hooker or mistress?

[XRogue]

:p :D

[Xenocidez66]

I don't have any idea what might help. We have only had sex 6 times this year and I have tried everything that I can think of we even got a book called "For Women Only" and here reading that may have shed some light on her problems but it didn't fix any thing.

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

Well, do you have an idea if it's a medical condition (sometimes that happens... like with depression), or if it's just that she doesn't see you that way anymore, or she's going across town for some action-satisfaction, or is it a "talk-it-out" kind of problem?

The only one that you probably can't fix is if she is going across town. To me, I couldn't take that.

Maybe I'm prying too much into your personal life here. I apologize if I am. :D

[Xenocidez66]

Oh no your not prying to much if you don't mind hearing answers that might be "to much information". My wife dosn't like to read that much and the little that we did read the for mentioned book said that her problem was medical. Female sexual disfunction isn't really a widly discussed field and there is a limited amount of information out there.

As for going across town its not that thank god. Belive me I have looked into it questioning friends and co-workers alike to make sure. The bigest thing is that she won't even talk about it, so the "talk it out" angle dosn't work either.

Makes things very frustrating.

[DeLukas]

The bigest thing is that she won't even talk about it, so the "talk it out" angle dosn't work either.

You just stated what was a massive problem in the relationship my fiancé. She ranged from shy to down right preachy prudish. What changed? I have no idea. We had a big fight about it. After more then two hours, I yelled something, and to this day I wish I could remember the exact wording. However, the fight stopped. I went home. However, the next day everything changed. I guess what I am trying to say is that in my own relationship it took a very heated and difficult moment to express to her how much this was hurting me (it made me feel rejected and that I was failing to meet her needs. Even if that was not the case, that is how it made me feel) and because she loved me she worked to change. Confrontation is not always to be avoided.

[XRogue]

Question just occurred to me Xeno-has it always been this way with her, or did it start suddenly?

[Xenocidez66]

To DeLukas:

I am sorry that I started something with your realtionship. I didn't mean to cause any problems. Just to let you know I have tried to fight with her about it. She won't even argue with me about it. Its like the topic of our sex life (even in private) is not something to discuss in any way. I have tried many diffrent aproaches and nothing seems to work, to her its not an issue.

To XRouge:

No it wasn't like this all the time. But it has been like this for almost 3 years now.

[Spinning Hat]

nonononono Xeno... You STATED, not Started that. :lol He's sympathyzing with you. ;)

[XRogue]

Hmm, ok, was there anything around that time at all that you can think of that would have started this? She had a kid, somebody died, some traumatic event? That could cause an aversion or a depression which can get in the way of her sex drive.


Note: I'm clinically depressed myself and that didn't kill my drive, altho I understand this happens to depressed ppl (male or female) regularly

[Aluscia]

It's also a side-effect of treatment... If she is taking medication for clinical depression... Your sex drive either sky-rockets, or falls off the chart...

[XRogue]

Well, that too.......they had to change my meds because I felt that a dead sex drive was more harmful to my marriage and my mental state than the depression has been.

[Xenocidez66]

To Hat:
Aahhhh Right I messed that up. Sorry

[Xenocidez66]

To the rest:
No there have been no children in that time and no depression meds. She dosn't feel that its a problem with our marrige anyway. I really don't know what caused it. She also dosn't feel that its worth fixing either, so she won't talk to a professional about it.

[XMEN Iceman[DTM]]

Ah yes...the famous inequity of sexual desire between partners. I have been married for 17 years now and for the first 10 years my situation was like yours. My wife was raised in a strict religous environment where they did not even speak about it. When we got together it was very awkward. But it started changing when we decided to have children. She was starting to enter her prime around 28 and I was 30. So we decided to head up to a very romantic B&B in the Arkansas Hills and spend all weekend in bed. :lol Anyway...after we had the first child her body started to change...we started talking about our fantasies together...and each year it gets better and better. BUT, having a child is not the answer...the answer is that we are products of our environment sometimes. This may be part of the puzzle. The other part may be that she really has no desire at all. Some women I have met don't have a physical desire sometimes...sometimes it takes alot of foreplay to stimulate a need for sex. The one thing that has always worked for me is several weeks of cuddling and just closeness. It creates some type of warmth and comfort.

I hope you can be patient with her, Lord knows that my wife and I had some real catfights over this. But now we seem to be on the same level in our desires. Hang in there and work with her. Love her and talk to her.

Good luck.

[XMEN Iceman[DTM]]

Oh...on the subject of kinky sex...people who don't are not very happy with their life. :)

Try something new all the time. One of my neighbors kids found some fur-covered cuffs in our bedroom one time and brought them out for everyone to see. I think we turned 5 shades of red. :lol

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

What? They were too young to hold up the whips and chains?

;)

[Aluscia]

Ah, Ice-putz... You're amazing.

[Xenocidez66]

Gee Iceman thats great but it wasn't always like this. We have done some great things togeather but not recently. We have even had our fantasies and enjoyed them but as of late she is fridged. She wasn't raised strictly or anything, so thats not the issue but she won't talk about it and being patient with here is all I can do. I would love to do all the things that you have mentioned but she dosn't like to cuddle and she won't even breach the subject with me so I have to wait until its her idea.

At least I still have my hands

[XRogue]

Bummer. I was just trying to think of some obvious things that would kill desire, but at least she remembers what it was like once. Maybe that'll help.

Hey Ice: Nobody ever talked about it in my family either, but I don't have any problems and never have. Hmmm.

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

Heh. My family doesn't talk about it either. I've noticed that I don't always open up to people right away. Not unless I feel comfortable.


Xeno: have you changed any? I know that there are so many different things that can turn a woman on or off. Women have it easy, they could just brush up against a guy, arm-to-arm, and the guy would get turned on. Men have it harder. I know from personal experience that sudden changes in my body just turned off a woman that I was seeing at the time. The relationship fell apart because she didn't know what was going on, and I didn't realize it until a few years later. Basically, I wasn't as active as I was in highschool, and I gained about 20 pounds.

[Aluscia]

Xeno, what are her reactions to cuddling? Does she brush you off about being "stupid" or "lovey", or what? Does she get mad? Try to be extra sensitive, maybe... Have you told her how you feel? Does she know how much it hurts you that you're not getting the same bang out of your relationship? Because honestly... If someone can completely ignore a plea like that, without any sort of attempt at explaining or personifying what their problem is, there is something seriously wrong with the way they consider that relationship. I care about you, bud... I will pray (as much good as that seems to do for me... :( It did help out with Steele, tho, that I'm sure of :D ) and hope for some sort of figuring out, even if you can't solve the problem right away.

I know it'll be hard, probably quite painful... Especially if she thinks the discussion is a lead to up to a divorce, or something stupid like that. But please.... please.... please... please... (add infinite number of them in here) talk to her... because this is *EXACTLY* the problem my mother had with my dad, and instead of dealing with it, she just started internet chatting and cheated on him... I don't think you'll do that, because you're still talking it out with us. I am speaking from very personal experience here... It's making me cry... If you've *mentioned* it before, make more of a deal out of it... Because it is a problem if you're coming to us asking us for help, or advice, or even listening to us talk about your sex life... So yeah, I'm begging you... Make it *very* plain how you feel, how much you love her, and how much your relationship means to you.

[Spinning Hat]

Don't forget to mention how expensive Porn is. :lol j/k

[Xenocidez66]

To Laurelin
Yeah she just brushes me off. She just dosn't like to cuddle or hug or anything really. It's like she is totaly detached from the comforting emotions that most people have. And yes sometimes she gets mad as well. I don't know how many times that I have tried to talk to her about it only for her to brush me off, leave, change the subject, or get mad and do all of the above. It is all most imposible to talk to her about this, being that she dosn't think that its an issue or that important.

No I am not about to start chatting with anyone or cheating. I have gone three years now so I am not about to start now.

Any way thank you for your support it does help.

[Stang]

Man I think we need to take a trip up there to Iceland and talk your wife :D. I can see how some women have troubles with sex and some just dont have that drive like others but its a relationship and there is someone else there that needs the love too :).

It is an issue and you just need to keep bringing it up and try to get her some help or like Delukas said have a huge fight about it and see what comes of it. A good fight is healthy everyonce in a while, brings things out that need to be discussed. Laurelin said it like I would have. Dont shy away from the subject keep it going cuz its not fair for either of you. Let her know what its doing to you, if she cares she should understand and compromise or something. I just dont think she wants to face this issue for some reason or a deeper issue.

Cuddling and foreplay ALWAYS works for me :yup, or a good massage :D.

I hope she comes around sometime. And thank god for masturbation huh :D.

I hope she comes around sometime.

[XMEN Ashaman DTM]

I think if Xeno and her can work this out, she'll come around, and in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, the car.... she'll come all over!!

[Xenocidez66]

Yes Stang, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have hands. But if anyone is planing to vacation in Iceland please let me know and I will help with the arrangements, and we can get togeather for an evening or something.

I love cuddling and foreplay as well and when we lived in Alaska I used to give her all over body rubs with lotion after her shower and that was almost always fun.

As for working it out Ashaman I hope that we can as well and I hope that you are right because I am the "try most anything once" type of person.

[Mobius]

Hmmm... Is there a possability that for some reason or another some repressed childhood memories surfaced? Or maybe some other assault that happened but she's to ashamed to mention?

I say this because some people who are victims feel that they somehow brought it upon themselves and it's their fault. I'm no psychologist but I've been around long enough and have seen cases like this.

I hope it's nothing like that but now days you can never be sure.

Just though of another thing. Who's idea was it to move from Alaska to Iceland? Maybe she hates it there but doesn't want to admit it. Or maybe she is holding some resentment for some thing you did but didn't know you did but she thinks you should have realized by yourself what it is with out being told. Boy do women love to pull that one on us men. :)

[yak]

i think i just realized the reason that my counterpart is against the stuff that i like( with help from what mobius stated). i never stopped to consider that she may have been abused in her lifetime. :s0007: i should have been more considerate of her reasons why. all that i could think of was myself.:s0007: :s0007: :s0007: :s0007: :s0007: :s0007: :s0007:

[Aluscia]

Yah, that's definitely one of my favs :D

[Xenocidez66]

to Mobius:
You could be right with your train of thought of what I do know of her life it would make a great lifetime made for tv movie. But this wasn't always the case, the lack of intrest started about 3 years ago.

The reason we moved form Alaska is I was in the Air Force at the time I was there and got out. We moved back to my home and tried to live there for about a year and we ended up seperating. She moved back to Iceland and later we decided to get back togeather. Its a little more involved than that but thats the general idea.

[Aluscia]

Ah... I see.... Maybe she's just never felt reconnected with you? I hate to say this over and over again, but have you turned the romance notch up to Max? Really nice stuff, like flowers and dinners out on the town? Force your way back into her life... It just may be what she's waiting for.

[Stang]

Well Im glad to hear that your not one of those guys that gives up and decides he's done all he could and turns around and cheats on their partner. Keep beating at it and some day hopefully things will come thru for you guys.

I too had some really bad things happen to me in my life and somethings I get shy or back off of. I have come along way though and improve constently cuz I dont want to let it control me, I want to be better.

Oh the old you should know what you did and Im not going to tell you ahhh memories, oh wait I still do it :lol. You guys deserve it sometimes though, use that brain once in a while besides for computers and sex :).

[Spinning Hat]

There's more to life than computers and sex?

[Xenocidez66]

To Spinning Hat:
If Stang says there is, there must be. Although I can't imagine.

Seriously

To Laurelin:
Well we really don't have the money to do things like that, but I do buy flowers when I have money and I am a GREAT cook and she gets wounderful meals at least 3 or 4 times a week and just last weekend we had a candle light dinner (alone no Kids). I try to be romantic but Johanna just isn't. She never really has been. Her idea of romantic is taking a hot bath, alone.

To Stang:
I do remember the way it used to be and back then our situation was diffrent and so was I. I made some huge changes in my life and for the better so I really don't want to do that again.

[DooMKitty]

WHIPS! CHAINS! STRANGLING! BITEING! SCRATCHING! PINCHING! pain turns me on!

[yak]

keep that quiet kitty, we cant let them know te he :bouncy:

[Ghryphen]

Ok, we don't need to be replying to 2 year old threads.

[yak]

hey, i didnt start it. i was attempting to do my job as a threadkiller

[Stang]

Wow talk about bringing a dead thread back to life.

[yak]

stop posting, you are all making it harder for me to kill it :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket: :rocket:

[DooMKitty]

They might just find it online eventully. ;-)