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Old 11-15-2005, 10:07 AM   #1
yak
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Default hey guys...

i know that it has been a rather long time since the last time that i came to this site, but i have a lot to say so sorry for the novel. and i thank any of you who care enough to read it.
I suppose that i should start with the good things before i bear all of my troubles and make this thread worthy of the forum that it is in. My girlfriend and I reached our one year anniversary(i know spelling). I turned twenty. My girlfriend and myself began an internet based retail company. Unfortunately that is about all there is for the good part. Now onto the reason that i am here.
My girlfriend of over 13 months broke up with me in a text message and about an hour later i hear that she is f*ing some other guy. The other guy is 18, has no job, has no money, and according to his father he has no future. I have been the solesupporter of her. I bought her things when I couldn't afford to buy her things. I gave more to her in one year than she recieved in the rest of her life. To make things worse, i have been paying for her cell phone, which i shut off last nite. She is the only thing that i have ever loved. I hate almost everything, so for me to say that i love something is rare. I have actually been crying. I stopped crying when my parents started to beat the f*ck out of me with weapons. The guy that she left me for has no bedroom experience, until her. He is not even as pretty as me, and that is coming from someone with esteem and image problems.
With her leaving me, my whole life has been thrown into disarray. I dont know what to do with myself. I do know that even if she comes back, i wont take her back. I may love her, but i cant love something that doesn't love me. I dont think that i have ever been this hurt before. What do you guys think that i should do?
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Old 11-15-2005, 03:02 PM   #2
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hey man, we're all here for you.

all you can do is surround yourself with good friends at a time like this. i dont think anyone in these electric halls would mind hearing you out. i know how you feel, and i'm not commiserating; go to your friends, find those people with whom you've spent time and felt happy. I would share my experience with you, but it wouldn't be diplomatic (well, if diplomacy causes war).

all i could do was find people who made me happy, friends were all i had, and few of them. i had my best friend, and some people at work whom i'd gotten close to, a couple of friends at school to boot. find those people who make you happy when you're spending time with them... it can work out very well! i just proposed to a woman who stuck with me through my hard times, ring n all. sometimes, things can work out.

i won't tell you the things i did in the midst of my pain. just dont do what i did, okay? if you need to chat, mail me up, i'm here to listen.
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- Thucydides, The Peloponnesian War: 2.40, "The Funeral Oration of Perikles" (431 BCE)


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Old 11-15-2005, 05:17 PM   #3
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Yak,

Ouch. Sorry, dude. Lay it down, we're cool with sharing.

Since you asked for advice, I'll offer mine.

Feeling the way you do, you need to get out of that business with her. Buy her out, or have her buy you out, but you're not going to have a productive business relationship right now and the business world is very unsympathetic to personal issues. ("I don't care what happened last night, I want my product or my money back, NOW!")

That was easy. This is where it gets tough, so please bear with me.

I think you, like nearly everyone these days, are confused as to the definition of love. Unless you fully understand the difference between love and sex, you are doomed to failure at both. Love is not an emotion, it is a decision to stick with someone no matter what. It's a commitment to think of the other person first. It means you don't expect anything in return. The emotion we call "love" is more accurately labeled "infatuation" or often "lust." It's almost always centered on what we want, rather than what the other person wants, even if it's just wanting to be around them.
Because of the way we're built, sex affects us on three levels: physical (duh), emotional, and spiritual. It doesn't connect us on three levels, but it affects us. If it was just physical, you might as well be masturbating, eh? The emotional level is where most people start jumping in the sack. I don't think anyone will argue the point that emotions are, at best, unreliable. A short-term thing. So, without that spiritual connection and commitment, when one person stops feeling good, they're gone. Or worse, they stay but decide to get a little action on the side. In either case, it's because they want to or have convinced themselves they need to.

Please don't think I'm condemning you (or anyone else) here. I'm honestly trying to help you understand. I am one of the oldest people posting here and I've seen my share of relationships forged and broken. I've been married 13 years, my parents are not divorced, and my grandparents were all married until their spouses died. My experiences, both personal and observed, confirm the above, but I don't expect that you'll all believe me just because I say so; I can show you both scripture (1 Cor 13) and secular research that confirms these things as well.

I'm saying this because, though it doesn't help you much now, it might help you in the future. Once again, I'm sorry for the pain you're going through now.
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:09 AM   #4
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((ZOMG say hi to Rogue, Gambit... Tell her to come around more, and be sure to get her LOTR Online! I expect her to play...))

Yak, let me start off by stating that **** happens to people who don't deserve it. Constantly. Sometimes to the same undeserving target repeatedly over and over. While I don't mean to be trite, it is reality There are many bright sides to consider here, the most prominent of which is: Be glad that she broke up with you after only 13 months. Imagine if it had been 5 years. Or after marriage (and maybe kids... alimony + division of matrimonial property = much more than you've currently given to her). It seems silly to think like that, but believe it; It could be much worse.

I guess I can relate to you in some ways... I fell in "love" with someone once. It was probably more like infatuation met with recent discovery of sexuality, but it was very real and very all-consuming. I gave everything I could to him, would spend countless hours bored out of my mind just to be around him, would buy things he couldn't afford, worked hard to garner the trust of his parents and become a part of his family (not an easy task). To be fair to him, he felt bad that all he could give me was a faint-hearted promise of loving me back, but not being able to act on it for fear of insanity. I agonized for 2 or 3 years, wishing to God that I could be what he wanted... or that he could be what he wanted so we could be together. Then **** in my life happened all at once (My parents divorced, 2nd year university got really demanding, and my lust for him became very strong)... I couldn't cope with it. I used to fall asleep cring, wishing I wouldn't wake up. Then it crossed over from wishing I was dead to thinking up plans to achieve it. It got to the point where I woke up one day, got in the shower and realized I was going to throw myself in front my city bus instead of getting on it to go to school. I instead went to the hospital, spent a month that I can't fully account for, ODed on Aspirin while in the hospital, survived (40/70 BP ftw~), agonized, hated, saw crazier people than you can imagine, was visited a lot by my dad, my friend Jessie-Ann, the object of my desire (and self-loathing)... When I came out, my life wasn't that different except that I had gained about 50 pounds from all the changing meds + hospital diet, had to quit school because I had missed too much, and still couldn't have him. Fast forward through a few years, a lot of **** in the meantime (including Raiyven's time of trial, which I blame myself for in some ways), and it all ended up with me realizing that it was simply an infatuation with something I couldn't have. Do I wish it had never happened? Yes. Will that change anything? No. Some of you may be able to guess who I'm talking about... he doesn't come around here anymore. I didn't stop talking to him by choice... But I guess we've had a falling out. Or perhaps we're just moving in different directions. Regardless, I spent nearly 5 years in personal, self-made hell with nothing except regrets to show for it.

Don't make a similar mistake.... Try your hardest to disconnect. It will be hard at first, and painful... But it will be for the best.

Love will come by and hit you when you're not expecting it... I'll tel you more about the good times that have since come about when there's more to tell... But just trust me when I say it *does* get better.
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Old 11-26-2005, 01:32 AM   #5
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Gambit: I had thought long and hard on love a LONG time ago. And my conclusion is basically what you stated above. I had NEVER seen it put so well, and in such a concise way.

It also came in handy because my girlfriend and I almost called it quits. She's been having a rough time of things with what are mostly money problems, and her missing her friends and family. This all built up and sort of exploded a little while back. I think she understood what I meant when I said that I loved her all those times in the past couple of years after showing her what you wrote and telling her that it's exactly how I see things.

She's made a commitment to help herself try to see the positive side of things.
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Old 02-21-2006, 01:56 PM   #6
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hey its me again...

i am not quite sure how to say this, but sarah a.k.a. doomkitty and myself have gotten back together and i may have made the largest mistake of my life, i proposed to her. i dont really know what the hell is going on in my life right now, but it seems to be taking a turn for the better. i might be getting a computer of my own soon, which means that i will have internet as soon as i get the computer....yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! other than that, thanks everyone for the support, even though i was not here to recieve it. maybe soon i will become another forum wh0re, so to speak. sort of like when i first joined.

dont y'all worry your pretty little heads now, i shall return (promise not a threat)
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Old 02-21-2006, 04:20 PM   #7
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Good to hear from ya and glad to see things are getting better for you .

We will be here when ya return!
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Old 02-21-2006, 05:32 PM   #8
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Where would we go anyway Stang

Glad to hear things are good yak
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Old 02-21-2006, 08:07 PM   #9
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good to see that twisted avatar of yours back on the forum, yak
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"For in that we are both especially daring and especially thorough in calculating what we attempt, we can truly be distinguished from other men, for whom ignorance is boldness but calculation brings hesitancy. Rightly would they be judged strongest in spirit who recognize both dangers and pleasures with utmost clarity and are on neither count deterred from risks."

- Thucydides, The Peloponnesian War: 2.40, "The Funeral Oration of Perikles" (431 BCE)


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Old 02-22-2006, 04:15 PM   #10
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Yak! I was concerned about you. Very glad you're back.
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Old 05-14-2006, 05:42 PM   #11
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Hey, Alu. Sorry I didn't yell hi sooner. Still thinking about LOTR online tho.
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