((ZOMG say hi to Rogue, Gambit... Tell her to come around more, and be sure to get her LOTR Online! I expect her to play...))
Yak, let me start off by stating that **** happens to people who don't deserve it. Constantly. Sometimes to the same undeserving target repeatedly over and over. While I don't mean to be trite, it is reality
There are many bright sides to consider here, the most prominent of which is: Be glad that she broke up with you after only 13 months. Imagine if it had been 5 years. Or after marriage (and maybe kids... alimony + division of matrimonial property = much more than you've currently given to her). It seems silly to think like that, but believe it; It could be much worse.
I guess I can relate to you in some ways... I fell in "love" with someone once. It was probably more like infatuation met with recent discovery of sexuality, but it was very real and very all-consuming. I gave everything I could to him, would spend countless hours bored out of my mind just to be around him, would buy things he couldn't afford, worked hard to garner the trust of his parents and become a part of his family (not an easy task). To be fair to him, he felt bad that all he could give me was a faint-hearted promise of loving me back, but not being able to act on it for fear of insanity. I agonized for 2 or 3 years, wishing to God that I could be what he wanted... or that he could be what he wanted so we could be together. Then **** in my life happened all at once (My parents divorced, 2nd year university got really demanding, and my lust for him became very strong)... I couldn't cope with it. I used to fall asleep cring, wishing I wouldn't wake up. Then it crossed over from wishing I was dead to thinking up plans to achieve it. It got to the point where I woke up one day, got in the shower and realized I was going to throw myself in front my city bus instead of getting on it to go to school. I instead went to the hospital, spent a month that I can't fully account for, ODed on Aspirin while in the hospital, survived (40/70 BP ftw~), agonized, hated, saw crazier people than you can imagine, was visited a lot by my dad, my friend Jessie-Ann, the object of my desire (and self-loathing)... When I came out, my life wasn't that different except that I had gained about 50 pounds from all the changing meds + hospital diet, had to quit school because I had missed too much, and still couldn't have him. Fast forward through a few years, a lot of **** in the meantime (including Raiyven's time of trial, which I blame myself for in some ways), and it all ended up with me realizing that it was simply an infatuation with something I couldn't have. Do I wish it had never happened? Yes. Will that change anything? No. Some of you may be able to guess who I'm talking about... he doesn't come around here anymore. I didn't stop talking to him by choice... But I guess we've had a falling out. Or perhaps we're just moving in different directions. Regardless, I spent nearly 5 years in personal, self-made hell with nothing except regrets to show for it.
Don't make a similar mistake.... Try your hardest to disconnect. It will be hard at first, and painful... But it will be for the best.
Love will come by and hit you when you're not expecting it... I'll tel you more about the good times that have since come about when there's more to tell... But just trust me when I say it *does* get better.